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Breaking the Silence: Why Men Need to Talk About Miscarriage and Baby Loss

Breaking the Silence: Why Men Need to Talk About Miscarriage and Baby Loss
Authored by
Ciaran Hannington

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Men need space to talk about miscarriage because supporting a partner does not remove their own grief. In this podcast conversation, Olly Brown describes losing a pregnancy after sharing the news, the pressure to stay pragmatic and how honest conversations led to Marathons for Miracles. Talking is not compulsory or a cure, but choosing one safe listener can reduce the isolation that makes loss harder to carry.

Content note: This page discusses miscarriage and grief. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. Samaritans can be called free on 116 123, day or night.

What happened to Olly and his partner?

Olly and his partner had experienced the joy of a positive test and a reassuring 12-week scan. A week later, they learned that the pregnancy had ended.

In the original interview, Olly recalls hearing the words:

“No heartbeat. You’re having a miscarriage.”

He describes the following days as among the worst of his life. The loss was personal, but it also revealed how many people around them had experienced something similar. Once they shared what had happened, friends and relatives began disclosing their own losses.

Olly described it as a hidden “subculture of grief”: people carrying stories that remained invisible until somebody spoke first.

Before publication, verify these quotations and the clinical sequence against the recording and obtain Olly and his partner’s approval for the details.

Why can men feel they need permission to grieve?

The person who was pregnant experiences the physical loss and may need urgent medical care. Partners often respond by becoming practical: making calls, driving, caring for children, explaining the news and trying to protect the person they love.

That role can leave little room to recognise their own shock. Olly describes the conflict:

“There’s a natural male role you fall into: be strong, be pragmatic. And you do need to do that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk.”

Being useful in an emergency and grieving are not opposites. A man may be calm in hospital and fall apart days later. He may feel numb, angry, guilty or unable to concentrate rather than visibly sad.

Does talking always help after miscarriage?

Talking can reduce isolation, but it should not be presented as a guaranteed cure or an obligation to disclose publicly. The quality, timing and safety of the conversation matter.

Olly’s advice in the episode is to find somebody who can listen. A first conversation might be:

  • “We have had a miscarriage and I am not coping as well as I look.”
  • “I need you to listen, not give me advice.”
  • “I want company, but I do not want to discuss details.”
  • “I am angry and numb, and I do not know what I need yet.”

If friends or family do not feel safe, begin with a GP, counsellor, bereavement charity or moderated peer group.

Is there a rule about waiting 12 weeks to announce a pregnancy?

No. Many people wait until after an early scan or the first trimester, but this is a social convention, not a requirement.

Olly and his partner had told family and friends after their 12-week scan. When the loss happened at around 13 weeks, they then had to tell people that the baby was not coming. In later pregnancies, they chose to tell selected people earlier because they wanted support if another loss occurred.

There is no universally correct time to share. Consider:

  • Who would you want support from if the pregnancy ended?
  • Who can keep the information private?
  • Would telling this person reduce or increase pressure?
  • Can you communicate an update through one trusted person if needed?

You can tell different people at different times. Early disclosure is not pessimism, and waiting is not shame.

What support did Olly receive from healthcare services?

Olly says he and his partner received compassionate hospital care, including counselling, help with funeral arrangements and medical investigation. He understood why clinical attention centred on his partner and did not feel deliberately excluded.

He still noticed a gap: little support was designed specifically for male partners.

Services can improve inclusion by:

  • Asking the partner how they are coping
  • Providing written support information for both people
  • Explaining what happens next without assuming one partner will relay it
  • Signposting men’s or partners’ support groups
  • Recognising different relationships and family structures
  • Checking consent before discussing sensitive details

Men should not expect the person who experienced the physical loss to become their only source of care.

What is Marathons for Miracles?

Olly created Marathons for Miracles to raise money for Tommy’s and encourage conversation about miscarriage, baby loss and infertility. The 2026 campaign involves 39 marathons in 39 consecutive weeks across the 39 historic counties of England, with people affected by these subjects joining him and sharing stories.

As checked on 22 July 2026, the campaign is scheduled from 28 December 2025 to 19 September 2026 and is still active. The Tommy’s team page reported more than £49,000 raised when checked, but do not hard-code a changing total in the live article.

Fundraising and endurance activity were meaningful to Olly. They are not a template for healing. Physical activity may help some people; others need rest, therapy, private remembrance or no public action at all.

Use a direct, current link to the official campaign page rather than the old Google Form with social-media tracking parameters. After 19 September 2026, replace “join a run” with an evergreen summary and the final verified outcome.

Can purpose after loss coexist with grief?

Yes. Campaigning, fundraising or helping others can create meaning and connection. It does not erase the baby or finish grief.

Before taking on a public project, consider:

  • Whether the activity supports or delays your own processing
  • How your partner feels about shared personal details
  • Which parts of the story belong to other family members
  • What boundaries you will use with media and social platforms
  • What support you have when the campaign ends

You can honour a baby without becoming an advocate. Privacy is equally valid.

What are the current UK work-leave rights after pregnancy loss?

The old live article says a July 2025 amendment guaranteed at least one week of protected leave. That was premature and should be corrected.

As of 22 July 2026:

  • The Employment Rights Act 2025 has become law in Great Britain and provides for a future day-one right to unpaid bereavement leave, including specified pregnancy losses before 24 weeks.
  • The detailed regulations are not yet in force. Acas says the new statutory bereavement-leave right is expected in 2027.
  • Existing Great Britain parental bereavement leave applies to the death of a child under 18 or stillbirth after 24 weeks, subject to the current rules.
  • Northern Ireland has separate law. From 6 April 2026, eligible employees and partners affected by miscarriage can receive up to two weeks of parental bereavement leave and pay under its rules.
  • Employers may offer compassionate or pregnancy-loss leave that goes beyond statutory minimums.

This is a fast-changing and devolved area. Link to Acas, GOV.UK and nidirect rather than presenting a proposed rule as current entitlement. Readers should check their nation, employment status, dates and employer policy.

How can employers support men after miscarriage?

  • Use pregnancy-loss language that explicitly includes partners
  • Offer confidential, flexible leave where possible
  • Let the employee choose what colleagues are told
  • Provide a named HR or manager contact
  • Offer a phased return or temporary adjustments
  • Remember that treatment, investigations and anniversaries may affect the person later
  • Signpost professional support without making disclosure compulsory

A manager does not need to counsel the employee. They need to respond with privacy, practical clarity and compassion.

What can friends do when a man discloses a miscarriage?

  • Say, “I am sorry. I am here.”
  • Ask whether he wants to talk, do something practical or sit quietly
  • Avoid “at least” statements and future-pregnancy predictions
  • Do not turn immediately to your own story
  • Check in again after the first weeks
  • Use the baby’s name if the family uses it
  • Encourage professional help if he is not functioning or feels unsafe

Olly’s experience shows that one disclosure can make it safer for others to speak. The person who starts the conversation should not then have to support everybody who responds; boundaries still matter.

When should grief be taken to a professional?

Contact a GP, qualified counsellor or bereavement service if grief is worsening or disrupting sleep, work, relationships or self-care. Seek help for panic, persistent hopelessness, increasing alcohol or drug use, anger that feels unsafe or thoughts of self-harm.

If there is immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. In England, urgent mental-health help that is not an emergency is available through NHS 111 online or by calling 111 and selecting the mental-health option. Samaritans can be called on 116 123.

Read Men’s Grief After Baby Loss for a broader support guide.

Listen to the original conversation

The podcast is the primary source for Olly’s story and should remain embedded or linked prominently. The article should help searchers understand the subject and find support, while the audio preserves tone and personal context.

Before publication:

  • Verify all quotations against the episode
  • Obtain Olly’s approval for his partner’s name, their daughter and clinical details
  • Confirm his preferred description and current campaign links
  • Update the campaign status after 19 September 2026
  • Remove the inaccurate “one in four pregnancies ends in loss” formulation unless a precise definition and source support it
  • Replace the obsolete Bill wording with the current, nation-specific employment section above

The most important thing to remember

You can be strong for somebody and still say that you are grieving. Talking does not have to mean a podcast, campaign or public disclosure. Start with one person who can listen, use specialist support if you need it and let the story remain yours to share at your own pace.

Join The Male Fertility Hub community for moderated peer connection.

Sources and current links

This article combines a lived-experience summary with general information. Employment rights and support differ by nation and circumstances; check current official guidance.